Skip to main content

Noodles: Valentine’s and Chocolatiers.

Happy Valentine’s Day, world!
This post is divided into several sections for your ease and enjoyment.  Please eat some chocolates while reading, because you know what?  Sometimes being cliche is a good thing.  (Hint - if you always eat chocolates while reading my blog, then no one can accuse you of being cliche on Valentine’s Day.  HA.  Beat that reasoning.).

Section A:  Three things to make you smile if you’re single today:

1.  The word “chocolatier”.  It’s a real word.  I’m not sure exactly what it means but it sounds just great.
2.  Pink and red sparkly things.  Made more enjoyable by your utter freedom from the pressure to purchase any of them.
3.  People who wish you “Happy Single’s Awareness Day!”  Listen.  You could be offended.  You could be tempted to pull a fake boyfriend (or girlfriend) from your pocket and brandish him (or her) menacingly.  You could even be tempted to buy a Valentine’s Day card and chocolates for yourself, telling the cashier it’s really for your special someone.  You could even take a pink Sharpie and write “I’m NOT SINGLE.  REALLY.  Really.  I’m...I’m NOT.  I swear.  Really.” on your forehead.  But please don’t.  Instead, just smile.  And wish it straight back to them.

Section B:  Three things to make you smile if you’re not single today (Why are you reading this if you’re not single?  You amaze me.  Thank you for your loyalty.  Now, go have a nice romantic evening and finish this post later.):

1.  You get chocolates.  If you don’t get chocolates, see Section A, no. 1.  And consider joining the ranks.
2.  You get pink and red sparkly things.  If you don’t get pink and red sparkly things, see Section A, no. 2.  And ditto.
3.  People who wish you “Happy Single’s Awareness Day” can be speedily and tidily dispatched by a single blow of your significant other’s muscular arm.

Either way, we all know the real reason this has become a holiday.  



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Noodles: Just another downside of being a genius.

Since I’ve got a pretty long post in store for you a little later this week (and yeah, it’s Saturday, I know...so that means in about five minutes), I’m gonna make this quick and just share with you one of my finer moments.  Possibly the most brilliant highlight of my entire career as a human, if I may say so.   Recently I was trying to center a picture on what was supposed to be today’s post.  Suddenly, my cursor...is that what the little vertical blinky line is called?  If it is, wow, what an intense name for such an innocent little thingy.  Anyway, you all know what I mean.  We’ll just call it the cursor and hope for the best.  Kay.  So, my cursor started moving.  It was traveling across the page all alone!  It had a mind of its own!  Because I’m super suspicious, my first thought was that someone had hacked my computer, since I was in a pretty crowded public place.  There were some nerdy guys in the corner who looked cap...
Post a Comment
Read more

Noodles: It’s autumn, all of you.

Hi world.  It’s me, your favorite super sheltered, extremely Scandinavian, strangely endearing pile of soggy, tomato-drenched crinkly noodles! Otherwise known as Baby Swedish Lasagna under an Inadequate Tent. The reason I bring up my origins is this: I grew up without hearing anyone say “y’all”.  I believe the contraction never crossed my path outside of a book until middle school, when it became trendy among my equally sheltered, pale-skinned friends. I started saying it often, with little understanding of its pronunciation, spelling, or proper usage. At some point, perhaps in a fit of cultural sensitivity, maybe after the madness of middle school had seeped out of my neurons, I stopped using it. Except in emails. Yes, my friends, I am an email y’aller.  It just works for the already-awkward group conversations.  There’s honestly no equivalent in northern dialect.  Check it out. “You guys.”  Offensive to feminists. “You girls.”  Offensive...
4 comments
Read more

Spinach: Zombie Sheep (part 1).

There are people in this world who don’t quite fit into society.               If people were puzzle pieces, they would be the unidentified extras, the empty gaps,                     the soggy chewed up pieces that fall off the table and get noshed on by the dog.    T hey live their lives feeling unnecessary, lost, destroyed.  In a world that celebrates conformity, if not uniformity, allowances are made for puzzle pieces to be different shapes, colors, and sizes. But if they don’t fit together, they’re either pounded on until they do, or thrown away.   Rejected.   Not because they’re of less worth than any other piece.  All puzzle pieces are simply shaped bits of cardboard, after all.  But because their purpose is not immediately visible.   Okay, that said, I’m not a fan of misfits, myself included.  They’re ...
2 comments
Read more