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Sauce: This ain’t humor, it’s just the cold, bleak truth.

The world is full of pain.  

People ask me, “why can’t you be serious?  In a world full of doom and despair, do you really think it’s appropriate to be so gleeful?”  

Okay, nobody has ever asked me that.  

But in case someone ever does, here’s my answer.  

Yes, the world is a terrible place and without laughter it would be even more terrible, so I feel like I’m contributing to the greater good by sacrificing my dignity for a few yuk yuks (note: all comedians, humorists, cartoonists, and even mildly funny people are actually just super lazy from a philanthropic sense.  The easiest thing we can do is make people smile a little, so we usually just settle for that instead of raising millions through global charities and saving lives and stuff).

Also, who says I don’t acknowledge pain?  In fact, for your edification, here’s a scientifically proven list of the top ten most painful and traumatic experiences a human can suffer through, from least to most devastating.  

10.  Death of a houseplant

9.  Death of a friend’s pet

8.  Death of your own pet

7. Death of a loved one

6.  Your own slow, lingering death

5.  Death of the person you murdered

4.  Death of the fifty people you murdered and kept in your basement

3.  Death of JFK

2.  Death of the environment

 1. Dropping a shampoo bottle on your foot in the shower three times in a row.





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