Sauce: Let it all out.

Yesterday I managed to have an entire conversation with someone who was actually not talking to me at all. If you’re wondering how that’s possible, two words.

Eye

contact.

If someone is looking at you when they start talking, and doesn’t correct you when you respond, and is talking about a very vague subject which could apply to anyone in the room, it’s an easy mistake to make. You know how you’ve waved at people who weren’t waving at you, but at someone behind you? It was like that. Except it lasted five minutes. I thought about flipping my car on the way home but decided it would be more satisfying and dramatic to sing along to “Shout” at the top of my lungs while weeping.

It’s a cruel world.

Comments

Welcome to Weirdness!

Hi, world, and welcome to “The Password’s Lasagna”! One day I’ll share where that name came from - for now, just revel in the wonderful idioticity of the word “Lasagna”. Say it over and over again. Let it flip off your tongue in all its gleeful lasagnaness. Say it until it means nothing, say it ‘til it means everything. Lasagna. It’s a word with many layers. Moving on quickly now... I have to wonder if, in a year, I will regret this first post. I’ll think “what kind of imbecilic idiot was I, to think starting a blog would be a good idea?” As if there aren’t more constructive things to do. Like...fishing. Or hunter-gathering (which is the sport of gathering as many hunters as possible in one weekend and stuffing them all in the back of a closed pickup, preferably with a limb or so hanging out and dripping blood). Or making clay...things. Useful things. Mugs and the like. Or I could be chillin...

Noodles: It’s autumn, all of you.

Hi world. It’s me, your favorite super sheltered, extremely Scandinavian, strangely endearing pile of soggy, tomato-drenched crinkly noodles! Otherwise known as Baby Swedish Lasagna under an Inadequate Tent. The reason I bring up my origins is this: I grew up without hearing anyone say “y’all”. I believe the contraction never crossed my path outside of a book until middle school, when it became trendy among my equally sheltered, pale-skinned friends. I started saying it often, with little understanding of its pronunciation, spelling, or proper usage. At some point, perhaps in a fit of cultural sensitivity, maybe after the madness of middle school had seeped out of my neurons, I stopped using it. Except in emails. Yes, my friends, I am an email y’aller. It just works for the already-awkward group conversations. There’s honestly no equivalent in northern dialect. Check it out. “You guys.” Offensive to feminists. “You girls.” Offensive...

Noodles: I’m not easily suede, butt...

My house is currently being shown by a realtor to an average of two potential buyers each day. They come and they go, and, in real estate as well as trail etiquette, they take only photographs (as far as I can tell) and leave only footprints. Technically. Not to abruptly change the subject, but have you ever sat on a suede* couch? If you did, I bet you drew pictures on it with your finger, because the material shows light when you brush it one way, dark the other. It’s a very impressionable fabric. I have one of those couches. It’s tan-ish, it’s comfy, and I like it very much.** It’s in my living room, because it’s a couch and that’s where couches seem to prefer to live. They like it dry and temperate with a little bit of soft lighting and a nice view of their territory, as well as easy access to the street in case they have a conflict with the armchair*** and need to make a quick getaway. But I digress. All you rea...

The Password’s Lasagna.

Search This Blog