Hi world! I’m sitting here eating licorice (okay, Twizzlers...sorry, purists). That has nothing to do with the rest of this post. Here’s the real news: it occurred to me just moments ago that lasagna (la la lasagna...) has four layers. Right? If you disagree, I’ll consider it a direct insult to my mom’s cooking. Lasagna, properly made a la Mom, has four layers. Noodles, sauce/veggie/meat/goop/red stuff, spinach or whatever, and CHEESE, which is the important part.
So here’s the deal.
If you can handle it, I have decided to produce four posts each week, corresponding with the layers in lasagna. Even people who love nonsense like knowing what to expect, right? I’m talking to all you anxious people right now. You worrywarts! Go draw a huge spider on your nose and gross people out. Think how much more fun that would be than worrying. And you know what would be even funner than that? Reading the rest of this post, and THEN drawing a spider on your nose and going to Menards and asking if they sell spider traps and when they tell you they don’t (except, you know? They probably do) you can ask them to call security, and when they do that, you can run screaming toward the front door yelling “I’VE GOT THE DOUGH” while carrying a frozen pizza, ALL WHILE HAVING A FAKE HUGE SPIDER DRAWN ON YOUR NOSE! It’ll be awesome! I recommend it!!!
Anyway.
Back to the topic at hand, here’s how this blog is gonna go down:
Layer/Day 1: Noodles. The bulk of lasagna, Noodles will also be the bulk of this blog. On Noodle day, I’ll be writing about stupid things I do and have done. Because if you’ve ever thought about it, nothing is stupider than noodles. They’re stupid when they’re brittle and stupid when they’re cooked. They’re stupid with sauce and they’re stupid without sauce. They’re stupid all the time! Kind of like me.
Example: Today I ice skated for two hours without injury and then fell down as I was walking off the ice to go home and now I have a huge bruise on my knee, which happens to be the same knee I injured ice skating last year, so now I think there’s a curse on it. Also I accidentally kind of pinched a cashier’s hand between my fingers as I was taking change from her, and it was just physically impossible enough for her to think I did it on purpose.
Layer/Day 2: Sauce. On Sauce day, you’ll get to enjoy a rant, rave, or obnoxious observation about the world and the people in it. ‘Nuff said.
Example: There are people who start their cars three hours before getting into them and driving away. Even when it’s above freezing. Even when their car is an old truck with the loudest engine known to mankind. These people live in my neighborhood.
Layer/Day 3: Spinach. Spinach is healthy. It makes your muscles pop out of their sockets. It must not be a very nourishing brain food, because I’ve eaten a lot of spinach in my time and I still think muscles have sockets. Either way, it’s good for you, which means that on Spinach day, I’ll be posting something almost inspirational...whether a picture, a mini-comic, or a few words...anything I can think of that maybe, just maybe, will make you feel better about yourself. It’ll probably involve sunsets and cursive font. No. No. It won’t. I care about you, world. So Spinach day is going to be real. It might be funny, or it might not. It’ll probably be everyone’s least favorite day of the week. But you gotta eat that green stuff or you’ll break a muscle next time you go try to grab that heavy pint of ice cream out of the freezer. (Question: would muscles break if you were in a hypothermic state?)
Example: You are reading this which means you’re a super top-notch, cool human bean.
Layer/Day 4: Cheese! This is your lucky day. On Cheese day, I’ll be posting a comic strip. It will be very, very, very, very cheesy. And awesome. And rad. And juvenile. And did I say awesome?
Example: Some comic strip panels with characters in them who say and do things.
There you go! For all you anxious people - I get you! You like to know what to expect, and now you do. Kind of. Also having some sort of format will possible save what sanity I have left. So thank you, anxious people, for your hovering, nervous, potential presence - you’ve made this blog what it is today (no promises for what it is tomorrow).
P.S. I’ve been known to overexplain. Someone just pointed out to me that this post is a case-in-point. I’m going to publish it anyway because it took part of my life to write it and therefore it is valuable.
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