Hey fans! It’s been a while, because I was sick with an illness that sapped all the joy out of life. Also, and unrelated, at my new job I am not allowed to put two spaces between the period and the beginning of the next sentence. So. I’m just gonna enjoy doing my own little thing here, while I can. Minute rebelling against the system. Oooh that was an extra long space.
Okay anyway (and I’m going to throw in a lot of junk words, too, if you don’t mind, because sometimes you just gotta let loose and live a little). I had some awesome/great/terrific story ideas all prepped for you, but I donut need to use any of them!!!!!!!! (See what I did there? “Donut?” Like...”Do not,” except....”Donut?” GET IT????????????)
It’s great. It’s like when you buy a giant box of cereal, and then your mom visits and brings you a giant box of HER cereal that she bought for YOU last time you visited but you didn’t eat it all in two days because HOW COULD YOU, and she only eats petrified, sweetened oat products in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
It’s like....you did all that work, and yet you still get something for free.
All this to say...something happened last night that made my other, ready-made, foil-wrapped ideas seem dry and frozen and way too hard to unthaw quickly. But enough with the food metaphors. Analogies? Metaphors? Analogies? Will we ever really know which is which? Also, I have definitely heard someone pronounce “analogies” like “an ah low geeze” which is disturbing for reasons I cannot explain.
But back to the story.
Last night, I encountered evil on a whole new level. Okay not quite. But almost.
See, when you’re a little kid, you always hope that your favorite characters from books and movies will come alive and be your friends, or that your stuffed animals will start to walk and talk.
But have you ever thought how horrifying that would actually be?
Just take a minute to let it really sink in.
Last night, I encountered a character from a movie. A good movie. One of my more favorite movies. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of the good characters.
Also, since the movie is animated, and the man I met was not animated, it must mean that the fourth wall has been irreparably broken! Somehow, reality is blending with fictional animated children’s films!
To dissolve the suspense, I’ll tell you who it was.
It was Al, himself, of Al’s Toy Barn fame (copyright laws violated, boom!) from Toy Story 2 (ahhh even more, boom, boom!).
And he was even worse in real life than in the movie.
There actually isn’t much of a story, beyond his creepily whispering in my ear while dropping business cards and trying to get my contact information while his large head loomed nigh my right shoulder and permanently indented my precious but fragile space bubble.
I just wanted to share with you, so you can keep your eyes open for your own come-to-life nightmares.
That is all.
Lettuce leaf it there (I am so creative!!!!!! LOOK AT THAT SHINING DISPLAY OF WHIT!!!!)
I romaine ever yours.
I beleaf it is thyme for me to bean going, but donut worry -
Tomato is another bay! (You have to really distort your words for that to sound right, but it’s okay, it’s still like upper level genius pun-mastery.)
*** Just realized, that’s what 99% of cereals are. To clarify, she eats granola. Yummy yummy. Hi Mom.
(I only eat legit cereals. Like Cheerios.)
(In case you wondered.)
(But not Fruit Loops.)
(Because duh.)
Okay anyway (and I’m going to throw in a lot of junk words, too, if you don’t mind, because sometimes you just gotta let loose and live a little). I had some awesome/great/terrific story ideas all prepped for you, but I donut need to use any of them!!!!!!!! (See what I did there? “Donut?” Like...”Do not,” except....”Donut?” GET IT????????????)
It’s great. It’s like when you buy a giant box of cereal, and then your mom visits and brings you a giant box of HER cereal that she bought for YOU last time you visited but you didn’t eat it all in two days because HOW COULD YOU, and she only eats petrified, sweetened oat products in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
It’s like....you did all that work, and yet you still get something for free.
All this to say...something happened last night that made my other, ready-made, foil-wrapped ideas seem dry and frozen and way too hard to unthaw quickly. But enough with the food metaphors. Analogies? Metaphors? Analogies? Will we ever really know which is which? Also, I have definitely heard someone pronounce “analogies” like “an ah low geeze” which is disturbing for reasons I cannot explain.
But back to the story.
Last night, I encountered evil on a whole new level. Okay not quite. But almost.
See, when you’re a little kid, you always hope that your favorite characters from books and movies will come alive and be your friends, or that your stuffed animals will start to walk and talk.
But have you ever thought how horrifying that would actually be?
Just take a minute to let it really sink in.
Last night, I encountered a character from a movie. A good movie. One of my more favorite movies. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of the good characters.
Also, since the movie is animated, and the man I met was not animated, it must mean that the fourth wall has been irreparably broken! Somehow, reality is blending with fictional animated children’s films!
To dissolve the suspense, I’ll tell you who it was.
It was Al, himself, of Al’s Toy Barn fame (copyright laws violated, boom!) from Toy Story 2 (ahhh even more, boom, boom!).
And he was even worse in real life than in the movie.
There actually isn’t much of a story, beyond his creepily whispering in my ear while dropping business cards and trying to get my contact information while his large head loomed nigh my right shoulder and permanently indented my precious but fragile space bubble.
I just wanted to share with you, so you can keep your eyes open for your own come-to-life nightmares.
That is all.
Lettuce leaf it there (I am so creative!!!!!! LOOK AT THAT SHINING DISPLAY OF WHIT!!!!)
I romaine ever yours.
I beleaf it is thyme for me to bean going, but donut worry -
Tomato is another bay! (You have to really distort your words for that to sound right, but it’s okay, it’s still like upper level genius pun-mastery.)
*** Just realized, that’s what 99% of cereals are. To clarify, she eats granola. Yummy yummy. Hi Mom.
(I only eat legit cereals. Like Cheerios.)
(In case you wondered.)
(But not Fruit Loops.)
(Because duh.)
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