This weekend I learned the hard way that I have a pretty severe reaction to mangoes.
Mango skin contains the chemical called urushiol, which is also found in poison ivy (according to a super credible internet article, that is). Aaand apparently when I ate a mango on Saturday, I managed to rub it all over my face in the process. However, I’m not here to talk about my pain and suffering and itching and oozing and scabbing and swollen lips (which is especially sad because...I love my lips. If you don’t get that reference you’ll now think I’m a freaky person with a lip obsession.).
I’m here to talk about a line I found in an article on “howtobehealth.net”. I am not sponsored by this website and do not recommend it in place of consulting a doctor. I just am vastly entertained by their article on mango allergies. So without further ado, cast your eye upon this sentence:
“Therefore, when eating mango, it is best to cut the pulp into small pieces and send them directly to the entrance.”
When eating mango....yes, of course, self-explanatory enough.
It is best to cut the pulp into small pieces...I wouldn’t exactly describe the inside of a mango as pulp, because that presents an extremely unappetizing picture and feels unfaithful to the true consistency of the fruit, but, to each their own.
(Also, the article fails to mention that it is best to have someone else cut the pulp into small pieces, because if you do it yourself you’ll still be touching the skin which is what causes problems in the first place.)
....and send them...the pieces, I assume...though again, my imagination fails at the idea of a pulp being solid enough to cut in pieces. Also, send them? Where are we sending them, my friends? We are not forking them, nor lifting them, or carrying them to our lips...we are “sending” them. And where are we sending them?
This is the juicy bit (sorry, pun intended, as always)........
....and send them directly to the entrance....The entrance. The ENTRANCE. THE ENTRANCE. There is nothing I can add to make that funnier than it already is, and so I make my bow and leave you alone, to contemplate the existential possiblities that may arise from having, not a mouth, not a maw, not even an oral orifice...but an “entrance”.
Next week: A contemplation on the only possible conclusion when anatomical words are based on supermarket door signs - a.k.a., an essay on the “exit”.
Mango skin contains the chemical called urushiol, which is also found in poison ivy (according to a super credible internet article, that is). Aaand apparently when I ate a mango on Saturday, I managed to rub it all over my face in the process. However, I’m not here to talk about my pain and suffering and itching and oozing and scabbing and swollen lips (which is especially sad because...I love my lips. If you don’t get that reference you’ll now think I’m a freaky person with a lip obsession.).
I’m here to talk about a line I found in an article on “howtobehealth.net”. I am not sponsored by this website and do not recommend it in place of consulting a doctor. I just am vastly entertained by their article on mango allergies. So without further ado, cast your eye upon this sentence:
“Therefore, when eating mango, it is best to cut the pulp into small pieces and send them directly to the entrance.”
When eating mango....yes, of course, self-explanatory enough.
It is best to cut the pulp into small pieces...I wouldn’t exactly describe the inside of a mango as pulp, because that presents an extremely unappetizing picture and feels unfaithful to the true consistency of the fruit, but, to each their own.
(Also, the article fails to mention that it is best to have someone else cut the pulp into small pieces, because if you do it yourself you’ll still be touching the skin which is what causes problems in the first place.)
....and send them...the pieces, I assume...though again, my imagination fails at the idea of a pulp being solid enough to cut in pieces. Also, send them? Where are we sending them, my friends? We are not forking them, nor lifting them, or carrying them to our lips...we are “sending” them. And where are we sending them?
This is the juicy bit (sorry, pun intended, as always)........
....and send them directly to the entrance....The entrance. The ENTRANCE. THE ENTRANCE. There is nothing I can add to make that funnier than it already is, and so I make my bow and leave you alone, to contemplate the existential possiblities that may arise from having, not a mouth, not a maw, not even an oral orifice...but an “entrance”.
Next week: A contemplation on the only possible conclusion when anatomical words are based on supermarket door signs - a.k.a., an essay on the “exit”.
Bahahaha!! This is actually kind of sad though! How did this never happen before??
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