So this is, roughly, what I was going to post today:
“I wish the Indiana Jones theme music would play every time I’m in an epic and life-threatening situation. ‘Wait!’ you say, ‘wouldn’t that drive you stark raving mad?’ ‘No!’, I say. ‘I love that song!’ And I only do awesomely epic, life-threatening things two or three times a year, so I’d never really have the chance to get tired of it. If you ate ice cream only two or three times a year, would it repulse you? Exactly.”
That’s what I had written and ready to go. But I don’t think I’m going to post it, after all, because it’s not true anymore.
See, I was just out on one of your typical charming, mundane, small-town evening strolls, and had a little run in with a deer.
Actually, it was more of an attack.
Actually, fine, so the deer chased me for half a block and actually forded a stream and jumped a fence in its frenzied attempts to catch me. I can only assume its intention was to trample me under its hooves. Maybe its a vengeful offspring of Pan and it knows that the only pan I bow to is the one that cooks my French toast.* Whatever the reason, it would have only been an added insult if that song had been playing while I was heroically defending life, limb, and small-town America from a deranged mutant killer in the guise of a common deer (cough aka running very quickly and shouting “you stay away” and seeking safety in a playground full of young children cough cough).
Actually, I might not post any of this because do I really want to share my humiliation with the three people who will read about it?
And..........I’m also kind of too scared to walk to the library.**
*after exhaustive research, I find that Pan was more closely related to goats than deer. However, I enjoy my own puns too much to edit that sentence.
** I am now at the library, basking in a false sense of security before the long, treacherous journey home.
oh deer
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