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Sauce: Da bald truth.

So, since my last post was pretty shallow, let’s move on to topics involving national security and stuff of utter importance.  And stuff.  Shall we?  
I don’t know about you, but I used to think bald guys were cool.  They’re obviously very humble and they’re low maintenance.  They don’t need shampoo or conditioner, they don’t get tangles or bed-head, they aren’t constantly flipping their bangs out of their dreamy eyes...they’re unaffected by all the needs and problems of your average fluffy human.  Plus they all automatically look like Mr. Clean.   How attractive.  But that was before I was stuck sitting behind a bald dude for two hours last week.  I had time to memorize every pore on his scalp, and realized five things about bald guys that I’d never known before.  Are you taking notes?  ‘Kay, good.  
1.  Scalps have pores.  
2.  When you’re bald, they become visible.  
3.  Also some people have skin folds on the backs of their heads, ditto number 2.  
4.  Bald guys must be kept in a carefully monitored indoor environment at all times to prevent ultra-violet flaying and frostbite.   
5.  Hair grows back.  Continually.  Which means -  bald guys must shave their heads constantly to maintain that glistening sheen!  Which means - being bald is actually way higher maintenance than having hair!  Which means - it’s all a lie!  
I’ve since transferred my affections to guys with knee-length dreadlocks and only one pair of socks.  

Just...if you see one, don’t tell him where I live...because he’s probably a psychopath.  
Thank you

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