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Noodles: A few statistics.

I was going to talk about statistics today, but then the Bald Man walked by and distracted me.
Yes, the same one.
But I’m not afraid for my life or anything.
Not at all.
Anyway, he did you a service because statistics are boring.
For example, it’s not even remotely exciting that someone with an iPhone has viewed this blog over four hundred times since its miraculous birth.  Nope.  It’s sad, really.  I’m picturing this lonely little person, standing in line at a major department store, holding an 85 pound basket of dry goods, arranged most cannily to discretely cover several shameful sanitary items.  (Like...gasp...“Debrox”...which is a thing that removes ear wax.  From your ears, I assume.  I probably shouldn’t have mentioned an actual brand name on here because of copyright laws, but I’m sure if they find out they’ll be glad to sponsor me:

Is your family tired of yelling directly into your ear via megaphone to get their complaints heard?Has your doctor recommend surgical ear wax removal in the last six months to a year?  Are you tired of fighting a continuous, losing battle with mouthwash, toothpicks, and pipe cleaners?  Try Debrox:  It’s the ONLY way to clean your precious nasty ears.

 They’d make a mint, I’m telling you.  Anyway.  Back to...)

...This tragic, ear-be-waxled...be-waxdazzle-eared...be-earwax-doozled...this pathetic soul...Sob.  What do they have to look forward to, day after day, hour after hour, as they stand in the spiritual desert that is the check-out line, patiently waiting for a merciful death?
Well folks.
Let me tell you.  They can (if they have an iPhone, of course) read this blog!
And apparently they are doing so!
Congratulations!
Only fifty more people in line ahead of you and you’re getting older by the minute!





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