Sauce: Lord of the Stalkers.

Once, while in a group of guys and girls, I happened to mention that, when I was about three years old, I decided to never marry a man unless he had read the entire Lord of the Rings series. I thought it would give everyone a little laugh...oh, ha ha, you were so lame when you were three or whatever...look at those priorities, they’re so...prioritical! Ha, ha...that kind of thing. Instead, I learned a chilling life lesson, which was, in effect, perhaps the simplest way to tell if a guy is an acquaintance, a stalker, or of friend/romantic interest caliber.

Here’s how you know.

Girl: “When I was like one year old, I swore I would only marry a guy who had read the Lord of the Rings and who could also watch the movies and pick out every single discrepancy from the book instead of actually enjoying the acting and cinematography! Yay! Everybody laugh!”

Acquaintance/normal, stable Guy: “That’s great, ha ha.”

Friend/Romantic Interest: “Who’s your favorite character? What’s your favorite part of the books versus the movies? Did you think Shadowfax was portrayed as somewhat too small in the films? If you could be one of the hobbits, which would you be? Yay! This is the coolest conversation!”

Stalker: “I’ve read the entire Lord of the Rings series.”

There you go. It’s foolproof. You’re welcome

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